he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
