We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
