My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
