He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
