Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
