And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
