i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
