6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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