why didn't you poke me back
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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