God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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