So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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