Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
