Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
