did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
