That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
