I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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