i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
