I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
