i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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