check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
