I bet he comes in French.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And then he peed in my hair
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