i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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