Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
