its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize