I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
