What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
