my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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