I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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