I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
