watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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