butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
