I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
