the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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