i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
