I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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