Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
