Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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