we have officially lost it.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
