apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
