I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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