Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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