SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
