He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
