Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
