dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
