we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
