He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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