Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dick very happy bro
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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