I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
