he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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