a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
