I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
