I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize