If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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