OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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