I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
