I cannot find my penis.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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