wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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