Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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