I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
