Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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