apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
