I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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