ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
