I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
