my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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