I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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