i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
