I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
