worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
