i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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