you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
