god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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