You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize