Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
