Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
