I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
