Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
