sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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