I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
