Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
