just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize