I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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