Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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