He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
