omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
