got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize