shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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