the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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